Now today I feel like writing. I broke my rule of only two coffees a day. This is the third one. The weather is shitty, muddy, rainy, gritty. But is it? If you look at objectively, meaning without the „I”, than it’s only the weather. It’s natural for the rain to come and purify the earth. The clouds do not give a fuck about your mood, or your feelings. The just let it rip. Free water for all living beings. It’s only your thought that gives this phenomena a meaning.
This perception change is influenced by stoics. Lately I’ve been reading Marcus Aurelius – Meditations. Stoicism is a great tool, but it can’t be learned, it has to be practiced. Every day I pick one passage and read it carefully. This is my affirmation for the day.
I’m feeling kind of sleepy today. Why am I writing? I’m trying to rewire my brain. All of my teenage and pre-adult life I have been taking afternoon naps, 30 min tops, but still. Sometimes I felt fresh after I woke up. Most of the time tho, I would feel energized and groggy at the same time. It’s that feeling you get right after you wake up but your body needs to shift into the first gear.
Laziness. What the fuck is laziness? M. Scott Peck in his book „A Road Less Traveled” defines it as evil. Laziness will prevent your from starting, engaging and tasting the juices of life. For me it is a force of darkness. It’s crack cocaine that you get for free. It’s the perfect drug. You can get it for free, you can get hooked so easily. I have tried everything to battle my laziness, but the thing that actually works for me is visualizing my death. I will die in a week, make every day count boy. I really connect with the feeling, connect with the emotion of death. This shit is real man. You will die to, you’re just under the illusion of thinking that since you have been waking up for the X amount of years, then this will continue for eternity. Nope.
This technique (or life technology as I like to call it) is also one of the stoic ideas. Memento mori – remember that you are a mortal. When you keep that thought in the back of your mind, and play around with different scenarios of yourself dying, you’ll get a feeling of time slipping by, a sense that you need to create, conserve your ego in some sort of way. For me it’s writing and singing.
Focus, will power, killing the distractions, entering into the flow state. I have wasted so much time, scrolling thru facebook, reddit, instagram, YouTube, fuck me. There is something empowering in sitting down to write when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it. It’s a psychological win, pure bliss. It’s like punching your cowardly self straight in the face and seeing the blood pour out of that lazy meat body. I feel like a samurai after a duel. I feel like a knight that has slayed the dragon. The princess, the price, the treasure is untouchable, it is inside my heart.
Fighting laziness will make your happiness expand, quickly. It’s like a chain reaction, so once you start you have to keep doing it (by it I mean whatever you want to accomplish). If you stop just for one day, the link in the chain will break, and laziness will grab you by the neck and fuck you in the ass.
We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
– John F. Kennedy